Ah ! The joy of motherhood, the ups and down. The beatitude where days are breezing upon us followed by complete chaos. I say bring i-t on. Owing to the definition of motherhood, nothing will ever be perfect and there is beauty in all of the above.
Today was obviously not such a success more so, like a complete failure — to be the melodramatic woman I can be. Some days we feel on cloud nine, others more like cloud minus 10. From morning up until bedtime we kept on trying to make ends meet for most, without triumph.
I intended to go out around noon at a resort to spend this hot and humid day in Japan by the pool with my little bundle of joy. Took everything to gather all we would need giving that she was extra “clingy”. Change of clothing for both of us, a second bathing suit for her and I, snacks that I carefully placed in ziplock bags, bottled water, solar creams, towels and much more for the just in case purpose of it all, mum’s gonna be mum’s. That’s what we do ! I finally completed this simple task that was anything but, for my husband to be the messenger of bad news to announce the resort was now closed therefor there was no other “near” place for us to go.
My daughter became so irritated and tired from all these tantrums — poor thing, being a toddler truly isn't a piece of cake and to top it off she’s teething. I had to postpone going out if at all until she took a nap. I nursed her, sang a few lullabies and put her to sleep. When she woke she was somewhat in a better mood so we took her pram and stepped out to visit the city in search of a green playground, with no luck we came back home in disappointment — mainly on my end.
The afternoon passed in slow motion, I still did my best to entertain her and be there for her when she needed me being extra clingy and all… When our night routine came to an end and it was time to put her to sleep I could see she was not tired. I knew she would cry herself to sleep which I don’t vouch for. I rather play with her or read more books together until I see signs of being ready to catch some Z’z. Having done all of the above without success — once more — I decided to take her out of out bedroom to join her dad in his office for me to take a “breather” and recharge.
As I sat on the sofa looking at my daughter sitting on her father’s lap behind his office desk pretending to talk in the phone and writing on papers just like her dad does, my heart sunk. All my worries and feelings of disappointment on my behalf vanished. One “bad” day isn't the end of the world although at times it feels to that extent and more. I think the importance of what is in jeopardy — the future and wellbeing of our kids — may enhance the pressure we put upon ourselves as parents.
Granting all this, I highly doubt even if it were to be a hole month combined with difficult and challenging days would in fact scar our precious children. As I have blogged before about “Parenthood and the F word” in our fear of failure which more often than we’d like to admit, do genuinely get the best of us.
We loose touch with the concrete facts and let our abstract mind form all kinds of horror stories. I guess in someways it comes with the territory. Does a parent who doesn't worry about being “successful” or good enough for their kids isn't in reality a “good parent” ? Or could it be that you are such a confident person in life that this kind of feelings and fear isn't a part of who you are, parent or not ?
Either way, I don't like to put labels or categories. Everyones is different. I know for my part, I do feel discomfort in regards not being connected with my daughter or feeling defeated with an array of personal disappointments. As I said before when I am having a bad day it sometimes turns into an internal drama rampage but all I need is a few minutes to myself, regroup and move on.
I don’t hold grudges, wether it is on a self level or with other people, it’s unhealthy. Especially now more than ever since I have to honestly model for my daughter. When I am mad, sad, disappointed or upset I share my feelings with her the same genuine way I would when I am happy or proud. Just like I would with any human being — of course in a simplified manner — “I am upset right now, my friend did not call me back”. I simply do not believe in showing a fake smile to my child when I am not in the “mood”. It is showing her my human side, teaching her that it is OK to own and deal with our feelings no matter if they are good or bad. Honesty always prevails.
BZM signing off, ready for bed and looking forward for a new tomorrow !
Beezeemum
I intended to go out around noon at a resort to spend this hot and humid day in Japan by the pool with my little bundle of joy. Took everything to gather all we would need giving that she was extra “clingy”. Change of clothing for both of us, a second bathing suit for her and I, snacks that I carefully placed in ziplock bags, bottled water, solar creams, towels and much more for the just in case purpose of it all, mum’s gonna be mum’s. That’s what we do ! I finally completed this simple task that was anything but, for my husband to be the messenger of bad news to announce the resort was now closed therefor there was no other “near” place for us to go.
My daughter became so irritated and tired from all these tantrums — poor thing, being a toddler truly isn't a piece of cake and to top it off she’s teething. I had to postpone going out if at all until she took a nap. I nursed her, sang a few lullabies and put her to sleep. When she woke she was somewhat in a better mood so we took her pram and stepped out to visit the city in search of a green playground, with no luck we came back home in disappointment — mainly on my end.
The afternoon passed in slow motion, I still did my best to entertain her and be there for her when she needed me being extra clingy and all… When our night routine came to an end and it was time to put her to sleep I could see she was not tired. I knew she would cry herself to sleep which I don’t vouch for. I rather play with her or read more books together until I see signs of being ready to catch some Z’z. Having done all of the above without success — once more — I decided to take her out of out bedroom to join her dad in his office for me to take a “breather” and recharge.
As I sat on the sofa looking at my daughter sitting on her father’s lap behind his office desk pretending to talk in the phone and writing on papers just like her dad does, my heart sunk. All my worries and feelings of disappointment on my behalf vanished. One “bad” day isn't the end of the world although at times it feels to that extent and more. I think the importance of what is in jeopardy — the future and wellbeing of our kids — may enhance the pressure we put upon ourselves as parents.
Granting all this, I highly doubt even if it were to be a hole month combined with difficult and challenging days would in fact scar our precious children. As I have blogged before about “Parenthood and the F word” in our fear of failure which more often than we’d like to admit, do genuinely get the best of us.
We loose touch with the concrete facts and let our abstract mind form all kinds of horror stories. I guess in someways it comes with the territory. Does a parent who doesn't worry about being “successful” or good enough for their kids isn't in reality a “good parent” ? Or could it be that you are such a confident person in life that this kind of feelings and fear isn't a part of who you are, parent or not ?
Either way, I don't like to put labels or categories. Everyones is different. I know for my part, I do feel discomfort in regards not being connected with my daughter or feeling defeated with an array of personal disappointments. As I said before when I am having a bad day it sometimes turns into an internal drama rampage but all I need is a few minutes to myself, regroup and move on.
I don’t hold grudges, wether it is on a self level or with other people, it’s unhealthy. Especially now more than ever since I have to honestly model for my daughter. When I am mad, sad, disappointed or upset I share my feelings with her the same genuine way I would when I am happy or proud. Just like I would with any human being — of course in a simplified manner — “I am upset right now, my friend did not call me back”. I simply do not believe in showing a fake smile to my child when I am not in the “mood”. It is showing her my human side, teaching her that it is OK to own and deal with our feelings no matter if they are good or bad. Honesty always prevails.
BZM signing off, ready for bed and looking forward for a new tomorrow !
Beezeemum