I took my daughter to our daily visit to the indoor playground. To our pleasant surprise there was an other family with a 11 months old baby surrounded with A LOT of toys. Half of what they have on the shelves was on the floor. The parents where quite active in the process, showing balls, cars and such to their son’s. I sat on the floor not so far from them and gave my daughter the space in time to accustom herself to this new environment. It didn't take 5 minutes of her being near me to began her exploration.
They have a small book shelve where she’s always drawn to. She LOVE books. The little boy crawled to where she was standing and began giving her books after books which she placed at her feet on the floor — it’s amazing how kids are most often then not copying exactly what we do. —Referring to the boy handing one book after the other like his parents did.
This fun playdate made me realise how much my approach as a mother has changed since I have read and learn about RIE. To allow our children to be themselves and letting them discover the world — always within a safe environment of course. I had not noticed how much we, as parents are not allowing our kids to use their own motor skills. Most parents aren't aware of this and always mean well by trying to entertain their kids. I know that because I was exactly like them before. It was fun for me to observe what they did and I found myself pointing — out in my head, what other ways I would handle it. Quite constructive, I thought.
I have read a passage written by Janet Lansbury, and if Magda Gerber was her mentor she definitely had become my guru on parenting. This is paraphrase in my own ways but the overall message was that: by giving our kids a toy instead of letting choose for themselves is a) counterproductive because they will not find interest in it, or for a shorter period of time then if they had been intuitive of learning about it on their own b) reducing their ability to concentrate and build focus span. c) we are creating a dependance of them relying on us to do basic things such as entertaining themselves.
That is exactly where I am with my daughter.. As I have mentioned before I also was doing way too much instead of observing her create and learn. Therefore she now always ask in the sweetest voice “mamaaaaaan” which translate to : “can you do it for me”. A really hard habit to break let me tell you. I try my best to not give in and sportscast “I can see you're having difficulty with this puzzle piece, it must be frustrating” and instead of doing it for her when she truly cannot accomplish it on her own we move on to something new, secretly hoping she will return to this piece later on with a different approach.
This also applies for overpraising, it is a hard one to break ! I keep trying to tell my husband to tone it down. He’s such a proud dad haha ! Again, I find broadcasting helps majorly in this case. The reason behind not overpraising is simple, children will get use to it and seek approval for everything they do. It’s not wrong per say but it doesn't help them build their own confidence and independence. It also doesn't resemble the world we live in so why would we get them use to something that isn't real in the real world ?
This approach may sound cold and give you the impression I don’t love or care for my daughter but I show her love, kindness and proudness in so many other positive ways.
To return to the playdate, it is truly fascinating to see your kid interact with other ones. I wish she could be more so in contact with other children, honestly something I look forward to do once we will be back home. My only concern is with other parents because they might not have the same mentality as I do and try to intervene in a manner I wouldn’t.
I have read somewhere that in such situation you should simply explain to your child — once alone with him in true words that he can understand but I have yet to put it in practice. Looking forward to the future and bring my knowledge to use !
Beezeemum
This fun playdate made me realise how much my approach as a mother has changed since I have read and learn about RIE. To allow our children to be themselves and letting them discover the world — always within a safe environment of course. I had not noticed how much we, as parents are not allowing our kids to use their own motor skills. Most parents aren't aware of this and always mean well by trying to entertain their kids. I know that because I was exactly like them before. It was fun for me to observe what they did and I found myself pointing — out in my head, what other ways I would handle it. Quite constructive, I thought.
I have read a passage written by Janet Lansbury, and if Magda Gerber was her mentor she definitely had become my guru on parenting. This is paraphrase in my own ways but the overall message was that: by giving our kids a toy instead of letting choose for themselves is a) counterproductive because they will not find interest in it, or for a shorter period of time then if they had been intuitive of learning about it on their own b) reducing their ability to concentrate and build focus span. c) we are creating a dependance of them relying on us to do basic things such as entertaining themselves.
That is exactly where I am with my daughter.. As I have mentioned before I also was doing way too much instead of observing her create and learn. Therefore she now always ask in the sweetest voice “mamaaaaaan” which translate to : “can you do it for me”. A really hard habit to break let me tell you. I try my best to not give in and sportscast “I can see you're having difficulty with this puzzle piece, it must be frustrating” and instead of doing it for her when she truly cannot accomplish it on her own we move on to something new, secretly hoping she will return to this piece later on with a different approach.
This also applies for overpraising, it is a hard one to break ! I keep trying to tell my husband to tone it down. He’s such a proud dad haha ! Again, I find broadcasting helps majorly in this case. The reason behind not overpraising is simple, children will get use to it and seek approval for everything they do. It’s not wrong per say but it doesn't help them build their own confidence and independence. It also doesn't resemble the world we live in so why would we get them use to something that isn't real in the real world ?
This approach may sound cold and give you the impression I don’t love or care for my daughter but I show her love, kindness and proudness in so many other positive ways.
To return to the playdate, it is truly fascinating to see your kid interact with other ones. I wish she could be more so in contact with other children, honestly something I look forward to do once we will be back home. My only concern is with other parents because they might not have the same mentality as I do and try to intervene in a manner I wouldn’t.
I have read somewhere that in such situation you should simply explain to your child — once alone with him in true words that he can understand but I have yet to put it in practice. Looking forward to the future and bring my knowledge to use !
Beezeemum