From the moment I knew I wanted to become a mother I began to spiral down memory lane to all the good & bad I've shared with my family. Which led me to many questions, whom I did not have answers to. Until (of course) I brainstorm on the subject, get educated and lived the situation. Do I want to reciprocate the uniformity of how I was raised ? Will I have a daughter who like me, was challenging in every aspect of life ? And what if I did, how would I handle every situations ?
I remember walking in the centre of the city with my husband at the early stage of our pregnancy and observing motherhood in action. To me all this was foreign but I was somehow able to “judge” a mother by looking the way she was treating her child. How clever I thought I was, know it all (yeah right!). Well the truth is, until you are a mother - and even far down the road of motherhood you still have few ways of knowing how to deal with any situations and no one, mother or not should judge or intervene unless the child health is in danger of course. Every child is different and every family does what suits them best.
A specific event where the mom was quite rough with her daughter in public and I told my hubby “ have you seen the way this mother grabbed and shook her daughter” , who may have been not older then 4. I was baffled and swore to never be this “type” of mother to my child. Needless to say, I have yet - and I am hopeful to never come to this - come at a breaking point where I feel the urge to unleash my anger towards my child in a unhealthy way, because yes, there is healthy ways to express anger and any other emotions we feel even to a child. They need to know we are humans too.
I like to think it is all based upon your vision in how you see your kid. I know, I've written about this in more depth but truth is, for me it helps me a lot. If you put yourself in a state of mind and believe you child is hurting when trowing a tantrum for lack of knowledge on how to express and release their strong feelings your insight will not be taken on a personal level but more towards helping, connecting and teaching.
Imperfect families are mine, yours and everyone else’s. I have lost touch with my knowledge on the subject at many occasions and I have taken the actions of my daughter personal and have cause a bigger reaction. As an adult, It never really pays off to act like a toddler too. Unless you want to learn from it. I have raised my voice, I have lost my temper but the most important is to be able to make amend. It’s okay to be imperfect. I actually find it beautiful.
I embrace the fact that my daughter is - at such an early age, challenging in every way. Yes, tiresome at time but I admire her strong will and nurture her personality. She amazes me, I find her strength and determination often leaves me speechless because of her age it simply astonishes me. Some days my feelings are “Oh my, how will we get through today” Others I observe her and I feel such exhilaration. As mums, we always love our children no matter how we may not like what they do or how they act it is what is called - as most of you may know by now - unconditional love.
Ultimately, we all love our imperfect families, it is what made us. We should be thankful for everything we've been through. I know I am and I hope my daughter will one day speaks the same for hers.
Beezeemum